Talks - Simon Armitage - Walking Home - Manchester Literature Festival

Star rating - 8/10

Poet Simon Armitage has given a very entertaining, amusing, and thoughtful talk on his 2010 Pennine Way walk as part of the Manchester Literature Festival. He is talented, intelligent, and very good company - which is probably why he got so many temporary companions and supporters along the 260 mile trek.

His new book 'Walking Home' is the story of the walk, and he read some lovely extracts from it, as well as answering random audience questions in and honest and open way (all expect the one about the difference between Yorkshire and Lancashire folk which he neatly, and very sensibly, swerved). He tackled the route in his typically self confessed perverse manner, by doing it the wrong way around and walking towards his home village of Marsden, just over the Lancashire border in Yorkshire. He also challenged himself bravely, some might say foolishly, as a modern day troubadour, giving poetry recitals each night for his keep.

Through this book, Armitage demonstrates his skill at prose writing as well as his more familiar art of poetry. He is a very witty guy, with a pleasingly dry Northern humour. And his lovely slide show of photos from his journey was given in the spirit of amateur holiday slide shows of yesteryear.

He says his experience has made him more optimistic about people and communities as a result of the warmth, kindness, and company he was offered along the way. My experience of listening to him has just made me want to read his book , and dare I venture, even to walk the Pennine Way myself one day. A lovely evening in the company of a very talented man.

Exhibitions - Bronze - Royal Academy of Arts, London

Star rating - 9/10

This dazzling new exhibition at the Royal Academy is full of an eclectic mix of works from many ages and continents with one thing in common - they are made from bronze. And although not all if them are to my taste, those that are are so spectacular in their beauty to really merit the too oft used description - truly breathtaking. 

The rooms are arranged in different themes including the human figure, animals and gods. In fact my only quibble with the excellent curation is that you actually walk into the most exquisite pieces of human form first, when it could easily have been kept as the gold, or should that be bronze, at the end of this particular rainbow. 

There is also a interesting explanation of why bronze as a medium has been so favoured and enduring a material for artists throughout the centuries, with its particular alloy mix making it tough and resistant to work with. But it's not the theory or method behind the works that fascinates me - it's the pure joy of the pieces themselves with their beauty and artistic brilliance. 

Particular favourites of mine include a wonderful gargoyle shaped door knocker from the majestic Durham Cathedral; a pair of intricately detailed miniature sixteenth century leopards from Benin; and a miniature statue of the goddess Venus elegantly removing a thorn from her toe.

But it's the statues that get me every time. Wonderful works are featured by Rodin, Donatello, and a pupil of Leonardo da Vinci himself, Giovan Francesco Rustici. And of the statues, it is always the Greek ones with their adoration, understanding, and appreciation of the human form, coupled with their spectacular talent for revealing every sinew and line, that I love the most. 

The first room you enter is a wonderful shade of deep blue, and houses a now incomplete but still utterly perfect figure of the Dancing Satyr, which was discovered off the Sicilian coast by fishermen in 1998. What a picture their faces must have been when this sculpture of indescribable beauty got caught up in their nets. If the exhibition consisted of this one piece alone it would be worth a visit, but as it is, there are many, many more beautiful bronze pieces to marvel at. Sheer joy.

Gigs - My Darling Clementine - Whitstable Royal Native Oyster Stores

Star rating - 8/10

It's not every day that I make my way to a gig by walking along a beautiful beach at night lit only by the starry night sky above - so my first trip to Whitstable got off to a satisfyingly romantic start. And things only got better when brilliant country duo My Darling Clementine started to entertain me. 

They are husband and wife Michael Weston King and Lou Dalgleish, with an accomplished backing band alongside them. And they treated the locals to a great evening's entertainment of songs from their fabulous debut album, ‘How Do You Plead?’. 

Now I've always been a sucker for a great duet, and for me they don't come much greater than Tammy Wynette and George Jones, so this clever pastiche on the genre, delivered with wit and not inconsiderable musicianship, really hits the spot. They delivered great sweepings songs like You've Found Your Man, and Reserved For Me and You. And my only complaint was that the all seater venue didn't allow for dancing the night away in delight as I wanted to. 

One of my all time favourite songs ever, as made famous by George Jones and Elvis Costello alike is Good Year For the Roses, and it was covered by the duo tonight. They also did other Elvis Costello and Johnny Cash numbers, but they come alive when delivering their own special brand of songs about relationship woes, and do so in an extremely entertaining and ironic manner. 

Special mention also to their fabulous backing band including a pedal steel and double bass to warm the cockles of your heart. My Darling Clementine are great fun, great entertainers, and damn well know how to deliver a fine country duet. Yee hah!!

Gigs - Ahab - Bury Met

Star rating - 8/10
If you haven't heard of Ahab yet then do yourself a favour and catch them whilst they are still playing great smaller venues like Bury Met. They are a five piece country band from North London (but let's not hold that against them!), who may just catch the wave of the current Mumford & Sons folkish euphoria.

 They seem to genuinely love playing live to small but enthusiastic audiences, and their toe tapping enthusiasm is definitely infectious. Tonight they played great numbers to get the crowd going like Wish You, and Call A Waiter. They have the obligatory heartbreak numbers too like Joanna, which just happens to be my favourite number of theirs too. They beautifully blend fabulous harmonies with delightful tunes. 

 When I saw them last at the Deaf Institute in Manchester they were playing as a three piece, as charismatic and clearly very talented guitarist Cal was ill. I really enjoyed them that night, but his added presence, along with their drummer too, certainly makes them a musical force to be reckoned with.

 They have a new CD 'Live In London' out soon which will be worth checking out as it includes great tracks including She's Wearing Red, and Woman's Arms - both sounded fabulous tonight.

 They are a friendly, charming and energetic bunch of guys. And their near Acapella version of My Father's Eyes in the crowd as part of the encore was lovely. If Ahab don't put a smile on your face and a wiggle in your hips you are clearly beyond hope! 

Film - Looper - directed by Rian Johnson

 Star rating - 3/10

Well - no sooner have I found my film of the year so far in Killing Them Softly, than I find my turkey in director Rian Johnson's time travelling fiasco Looper. If you loved sci-fi thrillers such The Matrix, or The Terminator series, then look away now - this is not a patch on them, despite the great reviews.

The plot is convoluted and confusing to say the least, not to mention totally implausible even within its own futuristic construction. Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays Joe, who lives in America in 2044, and occasionally travels in time to take part in dodgy activities for a crime syndicate.  Time travelling itself is illegal, but assassins such as Joe, known as 'loopers', are hired to kill the crime barons' enemies, safe from detection in the past. They receive rich pickings for their murderous deeds, in the shape of gold and silver bars conveniently strapped to their victims' backs.  But the loopers have to pay a heavy price for their pact with the devil; they eventually have to kill their future selves to erase all trace of the crimes.

Trouble starts when a looper pal of Joe's accidentally lets his older self go instead of dispatching him, much to the displeasure of the gang leader. And if all this is sounding confusing, then believe me I am doing my level best to describe the plot, it is extremely ridiculous and difficult to follow. Joe's older self is played by Bruce Willis, in his usual gun slinging all action role. And apart from the plot deficiencies, the audience have to stretch their collective imagination to the point of breaking to see how Gordon-Levitt and Willis are the same person, even with the ravages of time and the use of heavy handed CGI touch ups. 

Then in comes some love interest for Joe in the shape of tough girl Emily Blunt, who is making up for abandoning her son as a baby by loving him unconditionally now, despite his alarming tendency to break out into Exorcist like rages at frequent intervals. I think the film is supposed to be disturbing at this point, but it was all so ridiculous that the audience I watched it with was finding it more hilarious than haunting. 

So to try and sum it up - Looper has some good action scenes, and decent acting, but plot holes like craters, is confusing, and hilariously bad - go and try it by all means, if you like that sort of thing.